Receiving a significant medical diagnosis can be daunting and often requires time to process. Learning that my dad had Alzheimer’s was life altering. Questions immediately arose. How long did we have? What do we do next? What’s the best way to take care of him? How do I tell my boys? how do we tell anyone?
First, recognize that family and friends may already sense that something is off before being informed. My sister had expressed concerns regarding daddy’s health for months, which I initially disregarded. Eventually my boys began asking questions, forcing me to truly face what was happening. Again, I stress that there is no manual for handling this. Each family must determine the most appropriate way to approach others with the news. Be prepared for some friends or family to distance themselves. Have grace, don’t take this personally. Witnessing a loved one’s decline is a reminder of just how fragile our own life is.
Answer children’s questions simply and honestly. I ensured my children understood that feelings of sadness and anger are normal reactions. Provide comfort and reassure them that no one is at fault. children may harbor feelings of hurt or guilt over situations beyond their control, sometimes even believing they caused the illness.
Monitor interactions with your loved one who has Alzheimer’s. Avoid using baby talk or harsh tones, as children may mimic this behavior. Do not involve young children in caregiving tasks, as this may not be safe for either party. Ensure that the child has time for their personal interests and needs, such as playing with friends, participating in sports, and completing homework. Spending quality time with the child is vital to prevent them from feeling neglected in favor of the person with Alzheimer’s. In my case, with boys aged 11 and 14 who were very active, balancing their activities with caregiving responsibilities required seeking assistance periodically. The decision to place my father in assisted living facilitated this balance.
Above all, be honest about your feelings. Try not to overwhelm them or scare them but maintain open communication. My boys, like most children, were very inquisitive. Gather as much information as you can so you can be prepared. Resources like Alz.org offer age-appropriate books to guide conversations at various stages. School or church counselors can also provide support. Rely on your network, ask for help and trust your instincts.
